Why I Can’t Win as a Mom

All moms (okay, the majority of moms) and dads want to do the very best that they can for their children. Some of us moms, take the extra step and buy organic, natural, good things for our children. It’s not easy to find great things for out children to use…especially in this economy because generally, those things are really expensive.

After a conversation with my best friend this morning about Aquafresh Training Toothpaste (designed for babies 3-24 months), and being curious as to how good it is for kids that little to be using toothpaste, she pointed me to a website called Cosmetics Database, where they rate how good a product is for you to use based on the ingredients. It’s on a scale of 0-10, 0 being the best and 10 being the worst.

I looked up the current shampoo/body wash that I use for Ophelia, which scored a 4-5. Now, a 4-5 out of 10 doesn’t seem too bad…but if you were to grade it in school, that would be an F.

Now, a bottle of Yes! To Baby Carrots Shampoo, which costs about $8 or so, will last me MONTHS. Literally. I bathe Ophelia two-three times a week, and so far, the first bottle that I bought her still has a good couple of months left, and she’ll be 7 months old this week. I picked out one of the bottles that Cosmetics Database rates a 0, called Baby Poof, is an 8.5oz bottle for $13 a pop. 8.5oz doesn’t really last all that long. Probably a couple of months? So, for almost twice the money, which I’d be spending every 2-3 months instead of almost a year. I’d be spending over $50 for the best of the best that I can do for my baby (with shipping to Hawaii and tax, if applicable). Now, I’m not sure about you guys, but I can’t be spending $100 a year on shampoo for both the girls. With the economy the way it is, and living on this little tiny island, the only way to get things to me is by airplane. And with the inflation of gas prices, it costs a ton to get things shipped out here.

So how can I be expected to do the very best for my kids that I can, without going broke?! Especially since we are a one income family, living off post and paying for everything (rent, utilities, tv/internet, cell phones, plus groceries and gas, which is an abomination that I won’t even get into right now.).

After reading “Spit That Out!” by Paige Wolf, I’ve come to see that I shouldn’t be worrying about buying everything organic or natural, not vaccinating, buying plastic toys, etc, because if I were to do everything like that, all the time, and worry continually about what I’m using to wash my kids, or what their clothes are made of, or what goes in their tummies, I would be an anxiety ridden mess. And no doubt I’d be filing for bankruptcy, and possibly getting a divorce from spending all my husbands hard earned money. The book makes a point to do things the very best that you can, without losing your shit.

But we obviously can’t win as parents. Something is always bad for you, something is always going to cause you cancer, or disable or disfigure you somehow…its tiring. Its tiring to know so much information. It’s tiring to try to keep your family safe and healthy.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t do it all….I can only do the best I can, and leave it at that. And I think that’s all we can do as parents. So if you are an anxiety ridden mama, trying to do the best for your kids, and you feel like you’re failing…just remember to do the absolute best you can. Make compromises. But don’t over analyze everything…because you’re going to be stressed out, and broke.

But regardless. We still can’t win as parents.

You’re a bad, bad hippie.

Yes. Yes I am. I would like to apologize to the State of Washington, my home state, my comfy place, because you see, I feel as if I’ve let her down. (States are girls right? Just like boats and cars?)

It took me a long time to embrace my hippie ways. Because up until I was about 22 or so, to me, hippies were pot smokers who continually smell like hemp and incense, and rarely washed their hair. But a new breed of hippie has taken over, and those of us that practice this form of hippie-ism like now to be called “green”. Though I do appreciate me some tie-dye and lets face it, I smoked pot back in my youth. But this isn’t the time to go back down that road. Maybe later.

Back on topic. I went green, or at least, mostly green, about a year after Bradford and I got married. I bought eco-friendly cleaners, organic foods, used my reusable grocery bags, you know, general “green” things. In fact, I have such a collection of reusable grocery bags that I have zero need for ever using plastic bags. I didn’t get a plastic bag anywhere for almost a good year, except on the rare chance that I didn’t have my bags on me when I made a surprise stop somewhere.

Since moving to Hawaii though….[sigh]…I have been a less-than-perfect hippie. I would love to blame the fact that everything eco-friendly is OHSOEXPENSIVE, and while that is sometimes the case, it isn’t always, and doesn’t mean that I have to quit using my awesome bags (and my reusable mesh produce bags), or using some at home remedies for cleaning supplies, or anything like that. I’ve been a failure at living a eco-friendly, organic, healthy lifestyle. I blamed the pregnancy for a little while. I was so tired all the time, and I hated going anywhere. Loathed would actually be a better word. I also wasn’t (and still, I’m really not) familiar with the area around me, and with only having one car, and Bradford getting off work around 5pm, and home close to 6, its hard to go grocery shopping and get dinner on the table at a decent time, or getting to a place where I can buy the products I need. Now that I’m not pregnant, I can use the newborn excuse.

“I have a baby who NEEDS me all the time, I just don’t have the time to do some serious, eco-friendly/organic shopping!”

If your curious, yes, I have actually justified a lot of things I wouldn’t normally like doing with that statement right there. Like eating fast food. Ordering pizza. Sleeping in? No, I’d do that regardless, and that has zero to do with my hippie-ness. Or does it?

So now, I have to jump back on my hippie band wagon. I’m just not sure at how to do that. Bradshaw isn’t a hippie like I am. He doesn’t buy organic foods (okay, not ever, but very rarely does he), he doesn’t use reusable shopping bags, and it was almost like cutting off an arm or leg to get him to do cloth diapers. Not really, just a promise of not having to change diapers. But still. It’s not that he doesn’t support my hippie ways, he was just raised in a different state, where they don’t have the super hippie values that Washington has. So the art of being green is very strange in my house. Normally, I do all the grocery and household items shopping. Normally. I haven’t in awhile. Once our household has settled down, and we have a routine again, I think it’ll be a lot easier, but until that happens, I feel like I still need to be on a green hiatus. Hopefully that won’t be much longer. Right now, its hard to go out by myself without Ocho, since I’m her walking feeding machine. Its hard to go out WITH Ocho, because she is very demanding sometimes. Its hard to go out with everyone because I feel rushed. When I go out by myself, or with Roo, before Ocho was born, I could take my time…normally because Bradford was sitting at home playing video games and didn’t care how long it took. So until the household settles, I feel stuck.

Back to jumping back on the band wagon. How should I proceed? I’m not sure at this point. I think for starters, I’ll start using my reusable bags again whenever I’m going on a trip to the grocery store (or Target/where ever). I think that will be the easiest for me to do right now. I’ll eventually get back into what I was doing before we moved, as long as its cost effective. Getting my ass to some local markets is going to be key. Another problem we I have is that a lot of places around here don’t carry the amounts of eco-friendly/organic products like Washington. Which makes me sad. But I digress.

My Hippie Goal:

Use my reusable grocery/produce bags.

I’m going shopping tomorrow for dinner with my parents, so I’ll have the opportunity to make sure that I use my bags. In my next blog, I promise I’ll let you know if I’ve been keeping my goal in check to use them. Just taking a first step to getting back to my hippie ways.