You Probably Aren’t Cut Out to be a Military Wife

22 Mar

I am 100% convinced that Army Wives….real, true Army Wives, are a special breed of woman. A lot of us are stay at home moms with 2+ kids…we get moved around every three years, away from our families and friends to start new lives. We deal with 6, 9, 12 month deployments with minimal interaction with our spouses. We hold down the fort and take care of the day to day bullshit.

There are Army wives who are certainly not cut out for military life. And those wives should probably rethink their choices about marrying a military man because they make the rest of us look bad.

If you think it’s okay to call your husbands boss and talk to him about any aspect of your husbands career you probably aren’t cut out to be a military wife. Would you like it if your husband called your boss to talk to them about your work performance? Or how you can better your career? No? Shocking. But some Army wives feel the need to call their husbands bosses and discuss their HUSBANDS career. Unacceptable ladies. If you have questions about your husbands career, ask your husband. And if HE has questions about his career, there is a number of people he can direct those questions to.

If you would call your husbands bosses and pull rank you probably aren’t cut out to be a military wife. You think “knowing” CPT so and so is gonna get your husband better treatment? Think again ladies! I’ve met and worked with a number of higher ranking military personnel. I also know my husbands bosses. I would NEVER dream of calling them and telling them that if they do x, y or z, I will call in the big guns. You know why? I’m not an asshole. My husband is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. I am also perfectly capable of taking care of myself and our three kids. And if I ever needed my husband to do something, I most certainly would not be calling his bosses and threatening them.

If you would pull rank with other soldiers and wives
you probably aren’t cut out to be a military wife. Look lady, I don’t care who your husband is. I don’t care who my husband is (though, my husband and I do joke about this…between ourselves…at home). You’re a civilian. You have NO power in the military system. None, zip, nada. I swear, I will hit the first wife who, in all seriousness, says “do you know who my husband is?”

If you’re cheating on your husband while he’s deployed/on TDY/in the field you probably aren’t cut out to be a military wife. Seriously. That’s just fucked up.

If you’re expecting a handout while your husband is deployed you probably aren’t cut out to be a military wife. The Army (and I would assume other branches as well) has a whole slew of things set up for spouses with deployed soldiers. You can get free daycare, you can get a shit ton of other help from the military and I’m pretty sure most of your friends would lend a hand if you really needed it. But if you think your special because your husband is deployed, think again. The number of times I’ve left my kids with a babysitter this deployment? Probably around 5. The number of times I’ve asked friends for help? Probably around the same. I can do everything I need to do. I don’t need a hand out. I don’t need someone to save me from the day in and day out. I certainly wish I could have 20 minutes to myself, but like hell do I take advantage of people. Grow up ladies. This is your life. If you can’t make it through a deployment by asking for something or expecting something during your husbands deployment, think again. And on that note, if your friends do help you out, BE APPRECIATIVE!!! Seriously. They are taking the time out of their lives to give you a hand. Don’t be an asshole about it.

And along those lines, if you can’t follow OPSEC while your husband is deployed you probably aren’t cut out to be a military wife. I see this shit all the time. “My husband is gonna be home in 15 days!” Or “my husband will be home on April 19th!” Or “3 weeks to go!” Stop. Just stop. This is a security issue. It may not seem that important to you. But it is. Chill yourself out and be vague. I’m excited my husband is coming home…I really, really am… but I’m not telling the entire world when he’s coming home.

If you live on base and you can’t stop when the flag is being raised or lowered you probably aren’t cut out to be a military wife. I hate this one. More times than I can count, the music starts playing and people (mostly wives) are going about their business. Yea, I know that sometimes, it doesn’t mesh with your schedule to have to stop and face the flag, or stop your car. Sometimes, the kids are crabby. Sometimes, you have to be somewhere. But you are on a military installation. Where they do that. Every day. At the same time…every. day. If you don’t like it, either don’t live on post or don’t be out of your house or on post at those times. Seriously. It’s a simple rule.

Look ladies, I know being a military wife isn’t all glamorous. I see more people talk about the wives as dependapotomouses than I care to. But it’s because the crazy women….the ones who do all this shit…stick out like sore thumbs. Those of us who have deployed spouses, who just go on with our day to day of raising our kids the best we can by ourselves, and dealing with things as they come are lumped in with the crazies who demand respect when there is no respect to be given, or expect a handout just because their husband is deployed.

We aren’t supposed to get involved in our husband careers. I’ve been an Army wife for 5 years and the only thing I’ve ever talked about with my husbands bosses has been jokingly talking about where they should try to get us stationed at next (for the record, I pushed for Washington). My husband is in the army. Not me. Not my parents. Not his parents. And yes, we are just following him in life…and we’re all okay with that. But my job….my job is not to be his babysitter and make sure he’s doing x,y or z. He’s been in the Army long enough to know what’s going on and who to talk to if he needs something. Not mine. And it will never be mine.

Deployments suck. Staff duty sucks. Piss tests at 4am suck. Husbands being gone for over 12 hours a day sucks. I get that. I get that taking care of your 3 kids 24/7 for months on end sucks. I get it. But we chose to get involved with this life…we didn’t have to get married to the Army, but we did anyway. And we should take pride in the fact that our husbands do what they do instead of trying to go over their heads and be bitch-holes. But it sucks for them too. My husband has missed more of my birthdays than he’s been here for. He missed everyone birthday during this deployment. He’s missed A LOT. They sacrifice too.

Just remember all this the next time you decide to be an idiot. It’ll save all of us good Army wives a lot of trouble.

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