Why I Hate Facebook

21 Mar

So yesterday in the shower, I was thinking about how Facebook is an amazing social networking site. Where else can I learn about fucking science, embrace my atheism, see birth and breastfeeding photos and learn about all the idiots in the world, all while keep in touch with all my friends and family on the mainland?!

But let me tell you something. I. Hate. Facebook. And let me tell you why…

I’m “that guy”. Being a stay at home mom with an iPhone gives me access to Facebook all.the.time. It’s my duty, as a bored SAHM to share every single little thing that happens during my day…from how my toddler is a poop cheerleader, to how many bruises my son gets in a day, to my oldest daughters Justin Bieber obsession. And I share all of it. It probably seems like I do nothing all day (which isn’t true, just for the record) because I over share. I can’t help it. A lot of that has to do with the fact that my husband is deployed and I can’t unload everything on him when he gets home from work. More of it is because all of our family is on the mainland and they miss our kids. Also, I know you all love hearing about my grocery shopping trips and why I hate taking all three kids. Hey, at least I’m saving you the details about my cramps and periods.

Plus, sometimes I think I’m kind of funny. If I’m not, just pretend I am. Thanks.

I’m an Instagram whore. honestly, I don’t care about Instagram itself. I don’t use the hashtags (they fall into the category of #whogivesafuck for me) and I don’t really care about what other people are posting. But I can take pictures and put them all in sepia and post them on Facebook. Even my food….EVEN MY FOOD!!! I post so many pictures, mostly of my kids…so if you’re tired of the kid pics, you have three options. 1- get over yourself. 2- hide my posts. 3- delete my ass as a friend. (Also, the last time I told someone this, I got defriended. Big loss for me *eyeroll*)

Facebook makes it impossible to stalk the people who don’t want to be stalked. there are a handful of people who I feel it would be in my best interest if I Facebook stalked them. Definitely not in a romantic “I wanna be your baby mama” way (I’m already someone’s baby mama, thank you) but in a “I really want to know what you’re up to so I can rest easy” kind of way. Facebook makes that too damn hard. (Also, this is hypocritical of me because I have all kinda of security on my Facebook. But whatever.)

the games… so there are two categories to this. The games I hate seeing notifications for or getting send invites for. That just takes up space. I stopped playing games on Facebook at FarmVille. Second, the games I see people playing and then decide to download on my phone, which end up being huge time wasters in real life.

the idiots There has been more than a dozen times where I just want to bash my head into the nearest wall because of how dumb the Internet is. And thy are EVERYWHERE!!!! The judgey mcjudgersons, the trololololols, just….all the idiots need their own Facebook.

But there are things I do like about Facebook…..

Like the fact that if I’m in an argument with someone or I don’t like their views I can just ignore their ass. I don’t even defriend them or block their posts (usually). I just don’t look and pretend it doesn’t get me 5 minutes away from throwing things. I can’t do that face to face! It would be rude.

I can also talk about what I’m passionate about, like gay marriage/rights, breastfeeding and generally not being an asshole. I can also share a shit ton of stuff and leave it for my friends to ponder. Which is cool.

I can track my kids. I love seeing how my kids have grown and what ridiculous shit they’ve done. So it’s also for my benefit that I overshare because I’m quite forgetful.

I can piss off my husband by leaving the most ridiculous shit on his wall possible. Plus, we’re a pretty badass couple.

I get to see what all my friends are up to. I miss a lot being in Hawaii and moving with the military. I don’t get to see my best friend or my parents or my Inlaws very often, plus, it’s really cool to see what everyone is doing! I truly love 99% of what’s posted by my family and friends.

it’s social networking, bitches. I learn and find out about some of the coolest shit via Facebook. I really do. I find badass blogs and awesome stores. It’s all pretty fucking awesome.

So if you’re my Facebook friend, I seriously apologize for being an oversharer. And the Instagram thing. Sorry about that. But that isn’t going to change. So I’m sorry about that too. Just deal with it though.

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One Response to “Why I Hate Facebook”

  1. Chandra 22 March, 2013 at 14:08 HST #

    I love that you overshare! Anytime I feel like the world has probably seen way too much of my kid, I think of how much you post & that it doesn’t bug me…. so…I must be ok!

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