Yes, Baby….No, Baby…

21 May

When I got pregnant with Ophelia, my husband wanted a boy something terrible. Of course he did. What man wouldn’t want a son?! Well, when we found out we were having another girl, he was excited, but of course he still wanted his little man. So after her birth, we discussed how many babies we would have to get a boy. We decided on four as our grand total. The initial plan was have a third baby…if it was a boy, we would stop and if it was a girl, we’d try one more time.

So we got pregnant with LBB. Deep down, from the very beginning of my pregnancy with him, I just knew he was a boy. I felt that he was a boy, so strongly in fact, that I would have been really devastated had it been a girl (eventually happy because in all honesty, it wouldn’t matter if we had 10 girls and no boys…I’d still love all my kids. Though I’m sure my poor husband would have run away.) But we got pregnant with a boy that time. So we both assumed we were done. Even going so far as to discuss more permanent birth control to make sure three was our stopping number.

I had LBB and within a couple weeks I wanted…you guessed it…more babies. Just one more. And I’m not sure how I feel about that. The day little man was born, I told my husband I was never having anymore babies, ever. No more babies. I told him the same thing when I was in labor with Ophelia. My babies keep getting bigger and keep coming faster, I can only imagine down the road I’d end up like this “lady” in this Monty Python sketch from The Meaning of Life (the part I’m referencing is about 0:20 seconds in, so you don’t have to watch it all. Unless you want to, it’s pretty hilarious):


There are days when I really, really want another baby. When I look at Reilly and Ophelia and baby Bachman and I see big kids (yes…even my three month old…who looks like he could be 6-7 months old). I don’t see babies. I know that it’s only a short period of time before LBB moves out of our bed and into his own room. Ophelia will be two in September. Roo just turned 6. Where did all that time go?? I love baby cuddles. I love nursing. I love hugs and kisses from my kids. I love watching them learn new things. I love their happy faces.  I love everything about them….

Except when they stress me out and Ophelia continually continually pushes a dining room chair into the kitchen and get into every.single.little.thing. When Roo misbehaves or back talks. And when Bachman cries and cries and cries….which doesn’t happen very often, but it does happen.

But then things like this happen:

Miss O

 

And this:

Roo

 

And this:

LBB

 

And how could I NOT want another one??

The husband, I think, is torn. I haven’t actually asked him if he is dead set on not having another one. I believe (again, not sure) that he just sees how hard it can be sometimes with two babies under 2. Roo can be a handful sometimes. They all can. I mean, he WAS the one who said when we were first together that he wanted 13 babies. ;)

I’m still unsure. I don’t know if I really want another baby or I just don’t like the idea of not being able to have anymore. Brad and I talked about it today and I told him I’d get back on birth control and we could wait and see how we feel later. Not to mention, its much easier for me to get on some kind of birth control instead of him going through all he has to go through for a more permanent solution…at least for now. So, the plan, right now anyway, is for me to find a birth control that works for Bachman and I (meaning, it doesn’t negatively impact me and doesn’t negatively impact the breastfeeding relationship I have with Bachman). I think we should just wait a couple years and see how we feel…maybe revisit the question around my 29th birthday. Brad wants to wait to see if he gets picked up for MSG (Master Sergeant) in four years.

I dunno. I think we’ll just see how it goes over the next year or two and go from there. Maybe in a year I’ll decide that I really DON’T want anymore kids and that three is just enough for me. I don’t necessarily like being pregnant. If we did have another baby, we would definitely be planning a home birth from the very beginning…the way my births have gone, they’ve been faster labors and babies have been bigger…so I can only imagine what another baby would do. I’m just so torn.

 

I’ll be sure to keep everyone updated on if we decide to go for it again. Let me make it through this baby first and we’ll see what’s in store. :)

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