You’re Not My Friend Anymore!!

25 Jan

So, as we all know, Reilly started school this past August. Through the last 5 months, we’ve had our ups and downs…we actually had to call the school a couple months ago because apparently, one of the boys at school was forcing Reilly to hug and touch another boy and kept spouting off about how they are “boyfriend and girlfriend”. Everything was eventually resolved with that. We’ve had to deal with kids who think it’s okay to put their hands on someone else in a mean way. Just yesterday (or the day before maybe?) she told me that a girl in her class slapped her in the neck because the other girl wanted the same chair as Reilly.

By the way, who the hell is raising these kids? I’m pretty sure I taught my kid not to hit someone if they don’t get what they want. That pushing and shoving and slapping around isn’t okay.

But one thing that every kid will eventually deal with is friendship.  And I’ve been trying really, really hard to help Reilly understand the fundamentals of friendship.

There is one boy in particular who this applies to. Reilly did have a little crush on him. I believe that’s done and over. Anyway, this little boy is consistently changing his mind on if he wants to be friends with Reilly. Every couple of days, she gets off the bus and says: “Mommy! Chase is thiiisss close [as she inches her fingers together closer] to being my friend again!” And I sigh, because I hear this all the time. “Chase says I can be his friend whennnnnn ___________.”
Today, after a particularly rough night with Ophelia, waking up 10 minutes late (which doesn’t seem like much, but it is) and Reilly just generally moving slow and not listening, I was fed up with the day already. So when she said to me: “Mommy! Chase is almost my friend. He said he doesn’t like sick people, so when I’m not sick anymore I can be his friend!!” I went off. I, very loudly, explained that Chase was kind of a jerk if he thought that he could just tell her when they could and couldn’t be friends, and she didn’t need friends like that. She did the “but, but, but” but I kept going. I went on to say that I had really, really good friends throughout my life, but when my friends stopped respecting me as a person, they didn’t need to be my friend anymore. I told her about how when I was younger, I had some friends who I thought were really good friends, but they ended up being bad friends who didn’t treat me how I should be treated. And that there were some people who I had rough times with, but we eventually worked it all out and we became close…but they never gave me ultimatums in regards to friendship…and it pisses me off that not only is Reilly dealing with this bullshit, but that she is still desperately (seemingly) seeking out his friendship.

The kicker about what she told me today? She’s not even sick. She hasn’t BEEN sick lately. And honestly, what a fucking stupid reason to not be friends with someone. I want to hit that kid upside the head and tell him what an amazing little girl he’s missing out on because he’s being a jerk. She’s so social and just wants to be liked and I kind of feel like that’s a downfall of hers…not everyone is going to like her (sad to say) and she needs to work towards having a few good friends instead of a whole bunch of friends.

After going off about this kid and about what a jerk he was being (yes, I absolutely called him a jerk), I apologized. I told Reilly that she was completely old enough to make her own choices about her friends (obviously within reason…but that’s neither here nor there) but I just wanted to make sure that she understood that there are people who you want to be friends with who are good for you and make you a better person, and there are people who you don’t want to be friends with who will drag you down and make you feel bad about yourself.  I know she’s growing up, and I expect her to make questionable friend choices…but I thought I had years before I had to deal with that. I didn’t think I had to deal with it at the tender age of five. And it’s depressing.

I’m not sure where else to go from here except to continue to encourage her to make good choices about friends who will respect her and like her for who she is. I know that I can’t save her from every little thing, but I dunno…there’s just something that bothers me so much about these kids. And it’s not just their attitude towards my daughter, but also about…well…life.

I guess this is just something I’m going to let her go through and just be there for support when or if she needs it.

I just wish I could help her understand fully that she doesn’t need friends like that.


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