Yes, Baby….No, Baby…

When I got pregnant with Ophelia, my husband wanted a boy something terrible. Of course he did. What man wouldn’t want a son?! Well, when we found out we were having another girl, he was excited, but of course he still wanted his little man. So after her birth, we discussed how many babies we would have to get a boy. We decided on four as our grand total. The initial plan was have a third baby…if it was a boy, we would stop and if it was a girl, we’d try one more time.

So we got pregnant with LBB. Deep down, from the very beginning of my pregnancy with him, I just knew he was a boy. I felt that he was a boy, so strongly in fact, that I would have been really devastated had it been a girl (eventually happy because in all honesty, it wouldn’t matter if we had 10 girls and no boys…I’d still love all my kids. Though I’m sure my poor husband would have run away.) But we got pregnant with a boy that time. So we both assumed we were done. Even going so far as to discuss more permanent birth control to make sure three was our stopping number.

I had LBB and within a couple weeks I wanted…you guessed it…more babies. Just one more. And I’m not sure how I feel about that. The day little man was born, I told my husband I was never having anymore babies, ever. No more babies. I told him the same thing when I was in labor with Ophelia. My babies keep getting bigger and keep coming faster, I can only imagine down the road I’d end up like this “lady” in this Monty Python sketch from The Meaning of Life (the part I’m referencing is about 0:20 seconds in, so you don’t have to watch it all. Unless you want to, it’s pretty hilarious):

There are days when I really, really want another baby. When I look at Reilly and Ophelia and baby Bachman and I see big kids (yes…even my three month old…who looks like he could be 6-7 months old). I don’t see babies. I know that it’s only a short period of time before LBB moves out of our bed and into his own room. Ophelia will be two in September. Roo just turned 6. Where did all that time go?? I love baby cuddles. I love nursing. I love hugs and kisses from my kids. I love watching them learn new things. I love their happy faces.  I love everything about them….

Except when they stress me out and Ophelia continually continually pushes a dining room chair into the kitchen and get into every.single.little.thing. When Roo misbehaves or back talks. And when Bachman cries and cries and cries….which doesn’t happen very often, but it does happen.

But then things like this happen:

Miss O

 

And this:

Roo

 

And this:

LBB

 

And how could I NOT want another one??

The husband, I think, is torn. I haven’t actually asked him if he is dead set on not having another one. I believe (again, not sure) that he just sees how hard it can be sometimes with two babies under 2. Roo can be a handful sometimes. They all can. I mean, he WAS the one who said when we were first together that he wanted 13 babies. ;)

I’m still unsure. I don’t know if I really want another baby or I just don’t like the idea of not being able to have anymore. Brad and I talked about it today and I told him I’d get back on birth control and we could wait and see how we feel later. Not to mention, its much easier for me to get on some kind of birth control instead of him going through all he has to go through for a more permanent solution…at least for now. So, the plan, right now anyway, is for me to find a birth control that works for Bachman and I (meaning, it doesn’t negatively impact me and doesn’t negatively impact the breastfeeding relationship I have with Bachman). I think we should just wait a couple years and see how we feel…maybe revisit the question around my 29th birthday. Brad wants to wait to see if he gets picked up for MSG (Master Sergeant) in four years.

I dunno. I think we’ll just see how it goes over the next year or two and go from there. Maybe in a year I’ll decide that I really DON’T want anymore kids and that three is just enough for me. I don’t necessarily like being pregnant. If we did have another baby, we would definitely be planning a home birth from the very beginning…the way my births have gone, they’ve been faster labors and babies have been bigger…so I can only imagine what another baby would do. I’m just so torn.

 

I’ll be sure to keep everyone updated on if we decide to go for it again. Let me make it through this baby first and we’ll see what’s in store. :)

Tags: babies, birth control, done having kids, new baby, pregnancy

It’s Almost Summer!

Summer is coming! Reilly has just four more days of school…just FOUR more days! Then she’ll be a first grader. I can’t believe how quickly this year has flown by and how much she’s grown and learned since last August. I am so proud of all of the things she has accomplished and learned and I am looking forward to the future to see what it holds for her.

So since summer is upon us, I’ve been trying to figure out activities we can do, crafts we can make, places to go…pretty much anything I can think of to keep the kids entertained this summer without sitting in front of the TV all day or sitting inside. We’re only here for another year, and I want to fully take advantage of the amazing weather we are always having and do things with the kids and let them explore and do as much as possible before we start the school year routine again.

And not only do I plan on doing awesome, fun stuff with the kids (and daddy when he’s off work!) but I’m going to get this house in awesome condition. Starting next week and going through ALL of the kids toys and books and tossing stuff….I’m starting next week because Reilly will still be in school and I’d like to get it done without her here. Mean…maybe…but I’ve noticed that little kids are like hoarders. They love ALL their stuff. So it’s just easier if I do (of course, I will take into consideration what she loves and does play with and keep that stuff, but we’ll donate or toss the stuff she doesn’t). I’m going to do one room at a time until they are spotless and organized with zero clutter…which is going to be really time consuming. I’m hoping to get it all done by the time Reilly starts school (she’ll be able to help out with the younger kids by keeping them entertained while I do stuff).

I want to do this so bad…I’ve BEEN wanting to do this for bad, and for a long time. I always feel stressed out in our house because it always seems to be a disaster…it makes me anxious. I want to feel at peace when I come into my home and getting it organized and decluttered will go a long way to making my life more peaceful.

I’m so excited for the next couple months. Even if I break my back by wearing Bachman the entire time, I’m going to make sure my kids have fun this summer. We already kind of got started!

Miss O working on her pillow case

Last week, I found this blog post from Skip To My Lou. Apparently, September 11th is National Make Your Bed Day and this mama decided to decorate pillow cases with her daughter. It was an awesome idea and SO super easy! So I bought plain, white pillow cases at Target for $11.99 and fabric markers for about $6. (I am for sure I could have gotten the pillow cases cheaper somewhere else…maybe I’ll search around next time) I prewashed the pillow cases and then laid them out for the girls and they went to town!

Roo working on her pillow case

Both of the girls had SO much fun! Well, Miss O’s entertainment was short lived. She ends up drawing on herself, or putting the markers where they don’t belong, or climbing up on the counter. But she has an adorable pillow case that she made that she gets to lay on every night. Roo had so much fun working on hers and I love that she gets to get creative and just draw. She’s no Picasso, but her drawings make me so happy. Now that we have the fabric markers, we can draw on all kinds of stuff! I want to try to find (or make) a blanket…maybe sheets? That might take a couple days though. We’ll see! I want to make shirts for all the kids (or rather, have them make them) including LBB, so I have white t-shirts (and onsies) sitting in a laundry basket just waiting to get all drawn on! Maybe a “Takin’ Care of Business” shirt for little man?! The possibilities are ENDLESS! I also want to start cooking with

LBB hanging out while the girls color

Reilly at least once a week. I’ve slowly been getting her into helping me make and prep stuff. A couple weekends ago, she made oatmeal raisin cookies by herself (I helped measure ingredients, crack the eggs, then put them in the oven and she did the rest!) that turned out AMAZING and last week, she helped cut up veggies for dinner (we had a little knife mishap, but everyone is okay and she kept going!) We’ll definitely make some more baked goodies, maybe some bread and sushi too? Who knows, but we’re gonna do it. I have tons of crafts bookmarked and pinned on pinterest. We’ll definitely get through this summer. OH! I’ll also be getting a library card so we can go there! Not just to pick from a wide variety of books, but to keep the house decluttered.

 

I hope everyone enjoys their summers (to whatever degree you have one) and spends time with their kiddos away from the TV and internet and goes and has fun instead!!

I’ll leave you with the finished pictures of the pillows the girls made! Roo’s has loads of little pictures and Miss O’s….well…she just scribbled on hers. But I love them both all the same!!

 

One side of Roo’s pillow

The other side of Roo’s pillow case

Miss O’s pillow case! (the other side wasn’t exactly finished)

Happy Mother’s Day!

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I honestly think this is an important holiday, along with Father’s Day (though, for obvious reasons, Father’s Day isn’t as huge as Mother’s Day is. And by obvious, I mean we all know that the dad’s weren’t the ones who grew and nurtured their babies in their bellies and then pushed them out of their hoo-ha. But dad’s are important none the less.)

Six years ago, I became a mom for the first time. I have cried tears of sadness and joy many times in the last 6 years. I have gone through times of never wanting to let my child out of my arms and wanting to duct tape them to a wall. I’ve had my proud moments as a mom and my weak moments.

With the abundance of “mommy wars” going on lately…who does the best for their child…I think we need to take this time to remember that regardless of how we parent, and how we raise our children, (almost) every mother and every father is doing the very best that they can to help form their children to happy, healthy, competent adults. And that’s the only thing that matters.

It doesn’t matter if you had a c-section, an epirdural or a natural birth.
It doesn’t matter if you formula fed or breast fed.
It doesn’t matter if you breast feed for 1 day or 5 years…or not at all.
It doesn’t matter if you cloth diaper or not.
It doesn’t matter if you co-sleep or not.
It doesn’t matter if you vaccinate or not.
It doesn’t matter if you baby wear or push your baby in a stroller.
It doesn’t matter if you home school or send your kids to private school or public school.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a single parent or you aren’t.
It doesn’t matter if you are on welfare or aren’t.
It doesn’t matter if you are gay, straight, lesbian, transgendered, biracial, christian, atheist, muslim, fat, or skinny.

None of that matters. What matters is that you are trying to be the best parent you can be for your child and love them unconditionally.

I have learned a lot of things since I became a mom. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes as a mom (and wife for that matter) but the thing is that I am continually learning. I am learning how to listen to my children and how to deal with their tantrums. I’m learning how to deal with crushes (already!) and disappointments. I’m learning every single day as a mother. And I am eternally grateful to, not just my children for teaching me these things, but my own mother as well, because before I had kids, I had no idea how hard it was…how much I would need to give mentally, emotionally and physically to be a mom. Starting from day one of my first pregnancy until the day I die, I will be teaching my children the way of life, and I can only hope that I do as good of a job as the millions of women before me. And sometimes, the things I learn maybe small in the grand scheme of things…for instance, after having babies, I learned that bodily fluids from small children aren’t that bad. I mean, it’s still gross to get thrown up on, or pooped on, but it could be a lot worse. I learned that a couple hours of sleep is better than none and that I can function better on a little sleep than my baby can. I learned that when they are sad, my heart aches to make them feel better and when they are happy, my heart is happy too. I learned that they are generally capable of way more than we think they are, in all aspects of life.

I love my kiddos. I am proud to be their mother. And I hope that in years from now, when they are grown up and starting lives and families of their own, I can look back and say “I did the best damn job I could possibly do”. They are my whole entire world, and I am so happy that I have them in my life.

This Mother’s Day — take the time to hug your kid(s). Cherish the tiny people that you have in your life. Remember that they are only little for a short period of time. Love them unconditionally. Accept them for who they are. Help them blossom from helpless, tiny little babies into amazing adults. Give them everything you have and then some.

And then sit in a nice, quiet room and think about when you become a grandparent and you can have those small little victories of your grandkids driving your kids crazy. ;) Just kidding…..kinda.

My kiddos — Ophelia, Reilly and Bachman. <3

Aunties and Uncles

I only have one biological sibling. Much to my disappointment, its not an older brother. Not that I don’t love my younger brother, but I grew up always wanting an older brother. Neither here nor there though. :) My husband has an older sister and a younger brother. I also have a sister-in-law. So my children have “slim pickins” when it comes to aunties and uncles…and by that I mean that neither my husband or I came from huge immediate families with loads of kids, which would in turn mean lots of aunties and uncles and lots of cousins.  My brothers and sisters are cherished family members and I adore them so much. But after I married my husband and the reality that I would eventually be moving away from my family set it, I had a mini melt down. How could my kids possibly grow up happy, healthy and well rounded without their family being around? When I was younger, I used to love getting together with all my aunts, uncles and cousins. I always wanted that for my kids. But the few siblings that my husband and I have, coupled with the fact that we now live thousands and thousands of miles away from our closest family members makes it really difficult.

I vaguely remember having a conversation with my mother-in-law shortly after or around the time that my husband deployed back in 2008 about how your military friends become more like family. You move around every three years or so, leaving your previous life in the dust to basically start over. You meet new people, make new friends and have a “new” life. It doesn’t make it any easier to leave your friends or family behind.

 

I’ve always considered my kids lucky. We may not have a ton of money. We can’t go buy new cars willy-nilly. We can’t buy our kids everything under the sun that they could ever want. We aren’t dressed in designer clothes. But that’s all okay. We get by and give our kids the best that we possibly can. And I’m so thankful for that. And, in moving around and meeting different people, my kids have people who they will always be able to consider aunties and uncles. My bestie and her husband are like an aunt and uncle to my kids. They always will be. Even though it’s a very “weird” family dynamic (the older two children of my best friend are my oldest daughters half brother and half sister), she has been a rock through so many things for me and a constant in my older daughters life. I also consider our old neighbors (the good ones, not the ones that would keep me up until 2am when Brad was in the Maldives) to be an aunt and uncle to our kids. We have great friends here on the island, a few of whom we’ve been able to call in a pinch. We have friends who don’t have kids, but treat our kids like their own.

So my kids may not have a ton of Aunts and Uncles like I did growing up. We may not be able to have huge family get togethers all the time. But my kids are so, so lucky to have the “aunties and uncles” that they have. One day, I would absolutely love for all our families and all our “families” to get together, though I know that the event of that is pretty unlikely, but one can hope.

All I know is that my kids are SO lucky to have so many people who truly care about them who aren’t blood relatives. And I would like to think that these people will continue to be our friends and aunties and uncles to our kids for years and years to come.

So thank you…thank you to my brothers and my sisters for being real aunties and uncles to my kiddos. And thank you to all our friends who are close enough to be family…who are “aunties” and “uncles” and for being so important to our family and such great influences in our kids’ lives. They are better people for having amazing people like you around.

*end sappy post*

Baby Bachman is Two Months Old!

How adorable is this little guy??  He’s two months old already, 15.5lbs and 23.5 inches long!

Tags: Bachman, two months

Bachman Update

Haven’t posted since Bachman came home from the hospital. Yikes!

What an amazingly crazy four weeks it’s been in our house! I am happy to say that Ophelia has transitioned beautifully to having a baby in the house. Sure…she loves to smother him with hugs and kisses…and has tried to pick him up a couple of times. But having a baby in the house hasn’t effected her negatively at all. Or at least it seems like it hasn’t. She’s sleeping better (6 out of 7 days a week, she’s sleeping through the night or maybe having a short wake up where it takes less than 10 minutes to put her back to sleep), she has a better attitude…maybe it’s just because I’m not pregnant anymore and I’m generally a happier person too…I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. Haha. But Bachman being in the house seems to be working out wonderfully for everyone.

He’s the perfect little addition to our family.

I’m doing alright too…I thought that adding a baby to our lives would make everything ridiculously stressful and way over the top for me. And while some things have been difficult (like, taking a shower) with a new baby and a toddler not to mention working around Reilly’s school schedule, it’s all been doable. Sometimes I wish I had 10 hands so I could take care of all the things that need to be taken care of…and yea, some days I don’t shower…sometimes dinner is a little late getting on the table and sometimes, the kids go a little longer without being bathed than I would normally like, but all in all, it’s been a pretty easy adjustment. Which I am so thankful for.

The first week after he was home, I was kind of an emotional wreck. I’m not gonna lie, I cried more than I had in the past year. Some days, I just wanted to stay in bed. But I knew that it was going to be short lived…I didn’t feel depressed like I had after having Reilly, just a little overwhelmed and making the adjustment to having a new little person to take care of. Speaking of feeling a little baby bluesy, Brad took care of my placenta pills…he was so amazing and a pretty good sport about the whole thing (he did say that dealing with the placenta was the second manliest thing he’s ever done). So I did start taking my placenta pills…it took about a week and a half or so for them to kick in, but I’ve noticed that I stopped bleeding a lot sooner than I did with Ophelia or Reilly. I noticed that I have an abundance of milk. I’ve been in a generally awesome mood too. Sometimes I still get a little emotional over silly things (like, I was watching reruns of The Voice over the weekend and totally cried at some of the stories.) but that’s normal…for me. I can be an emotional person and silly things make me cry sometimes (thanks mom) and I’m still dealing with the hormones of just having a baby, so I’m not too worried about it. I get up every morning, tired, but ready to start a new day.

 

I’m happy to report that breastfeeding has been going amazingly well this time around too. It did with Ophelia…not so much with Reilly. I didn’t have a lot of support and I was so uneducated…but that’s neither here nor there. I started pumping so I would have a stash for when I eventually got back into the doula thing (which, I’m shooting for the August time frame) or any other time when I needed it. So far, in the 10 days I’ve been pumping, I’ve gotten 50 or so ounces. Which is pretty damn good considering I could barely get an ounce or two when I used to pump with Reilly, and getting anything more than three was awesome with Ophelia. I’m looking forward to continuing our nursing adventure together. :)

Bachman is doing really well too. At his two week check up, he had gone up to 10lbs 14oz. In the last two weeks I’m positive he’s gone over that 11lb mark and is probably closer to 12lbs. I’m not sure…that’s just my estimate…all I really know is that he’s heavy as hell. He’s a fantastic little sleeper…he sleeps all night except to wake up to nurse, which is just fine by me. He loves being cuddled up to in the middle of the night. I have myself another tummy sleeper, which, doesn’t happen all the time, since usually he’s all cuddled up in my arms. I’m not surprised though. His jaundice seems to be clearing up nicely…a little left in the face, but it seems to be mostly gone. He goes in for his two month check up next month, but I think that I’m going to try to steal the scale at the doctors office when I go in for Ophelia’s 18 month check up in a couple weeks. I’m just so damn curious! Reilly weighed as much as he did at two weeks when she was three months old. It’s just mind boggling to me that not only do I have this huge baby now, but that at one point, he actually fit inside my body. Which, by the way, I’m still on this crazy “omfg I gave birth in my bathroom with my husband catching our baby” high. It’s awesome and I totally love it.

 

Speaking of how I gave birth, I got mad props at the Battalion Steering Committee meeting that I went to a couple weeks ago. It was kind of awesome I’ll admit. You just don’t hear it very often I guess. Plus, it makes me feel super cool. Like I’m in some kind of secret club. That’s probably weird, but that’s how I feel.

 

So thats it. My update I’ve been trying to make for weeks now. My parents are coming into town on Thursday (YAY!!) and I can’t wait. Maybe some more updating soon, yea?

Kindle Fire Giveaway

I don’t normally do this kinda stuff…I’m pretty lazy when it comes to giveaways and the likelihood of me winning is always pretty slim, but I figure I’ll go ahead and support my fellow Army wife by blogging about her giveaway.

Over at Soldiers Wife, Crazy Life, she’s having a giveaway where Lifetime is giving two lucky people Kindle Fires with Army Wives covers.

I’ll admit, Army Wives is probably one of my biggest guilty pleasures. The husband hates it with a passion because of the inaccuracies. Seriously, I can’t watch it with him in the room or else I spend the entire hour listening to him bitch and moan about this or that. It’s kind of irritating sometimes. So I choose to do the grown up thing and DVR it so I can watch it by my lonesome with a big ol bowl of ice cream (or cup of coffee, depending on when I watch it) and cry if the situation calls for it. So, the 6th season of Army Wives starts Sunday, March 4th (that’s THIS upcoming Sunday) on Lifetime.

It’s already programmed into my DVR. Let the fun begin!!

Also, please stay tuned for an ACTUAL update from me…I haven’t written one in three weeks, but I’m working on it. I swear.

Tags: army, army wives, giveaway, kindle, lifetime

Birth of Bachman

We’ll start off on the morning of February 6, 2012.

Firstly, in case anyone was not aware, my due date was Valentine’s Day. I wanted to avoid that at all costs, so I was definitely happy when I went into labor early.

Anyway, to the story!

All week I had been having light contractions on and off…nothing that would suggest I was in labor at all, but they definitely weren’t Braxton Hicks contractions. On Monday, the 6th, I woke up around 530am to get the girls ready for the day, and I started having stronger contractions. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time other that just being aware that they were there. I asked my darling husband to get Reilly ready and off to the bus stop for me so that I could lay down and relax for a little bit while Ophelia slept.  Shortly after he got back, I got up and got myself and Ophelia ready for the day. At 38 weeks 6 days, I had been scheduled for my 39 week midwife appointment.

At the appointment, everything was normal and as planned. My pregnancy had been really low-key…nothing out of the ordinary at all…I even passed my 1 hour glucose screening with flying colors, when with my two previous pregnancies I had failed the 1-hour test. I had been contemplating getting my cervix checked again at this appointment….at my last appointment (38 weeks), I was 3cm dilated, 60% effaced and LBB was at a -3 station. I assumed that if I got checked again, I would probably be a little more effaced, but that was about it.

I decided that after the contractions I had been having, I was curious enough to get checked again. My midwife was surprised when I was 4.5-5 cm dilated. I was 75% effaced and he was still at a -3 station.

She suggested that after my appointment, I go walk around the hospital for an hour or two, get a bite to eat, then head up to Labor and Delivery to get checked out again.

I honestly didn’t think anything of it…my contractions had been tapering off all day. They were still around, but nothing that I couldn’t handle. I was still walking and talking through contractions. So instead of walking around the hospital with a grumpy husband and crabby toddler, we went and grabbed a bite to eat (Ham and cheese omelet! Yum!) and then went home to take a nap before picking up Reilly from the bus stop. It was an awesome nap by the way. Not to mention, I didn’t really feel comfortable going up to L&D…the would have checked me and either tried to admit me for “being in labor” when I didn’t feel like I was (and possibly try to “speed things up”) OR they would just send me home, where I was going to end up anyway. I just decided that it was in my best interest to avoid L&D at all costs that day unless I was truly in labor.

So I picked Reilly up from the bus, went home and took a shower. We hung out all night….Brad had to go to work at 5pm, so the girls and I had Mac and cheese for dinner. My contractions were kind of picking up here and there, but then just dying down. Brad called me from work around 630 to let me know to time them at some point and call him when they were coming about every 10 minutes. I put the girls to bed a little after 7pm, and Brad surprised me by getting kicked out of work specifically because I was in “early labor”. It was definitely a pleasant surprise and I was happy he was there, even if I didn’t go into labor.

After Ophelia went to sleep, I decided to time my contractions, just to see where they were at. For about an hour, they were lasting a minute and coming every 6-7 minutes. I went and got ready for bed and they tapered off to lasting a minute and coming every 10-15 minutes or so. I decided it was time to go to sleep…this was probably between 1030-11pm.

Nothing happened during the night. I woke up around 130am because Ophelia woke up, so I went gave her her cup. She went back to sleep and so did I. I woke up once or twice during the night to use the bathroom….ya know, all the typical stuff of a woman who’s 9 months pregnant! But I didn’t wake up to any uncomfortable contractions what-so-ever.

I woke up at 5am because Ophelia had woken up and was knocking on her bedroom door. I brought her into bed with us for a little bit…usually I can get her to lay down and go back to sleep for 30 minutes to an hour…but not this time. Not that I was complaining…I started having contractions again shortly after I got up with her and I needed to stand up and not lay down. They were stronger than they had been the night before and I decided to give it a couple more before deciding to do anything, figuring they would fizzle out again.

Around 530am, I started having painful contractions. Not that the previous ones weren’t painful, but these were like a shock to my body. They were like “Hey lady! We’re here!!” Boy were they! I had one as I was brushing my teeth that made me squat down in my bathroom to get some relief….and as I watched Ophelia copy me, I had to giggle to myself. And then it hit me that I was actually in labor and I thought “everyone needs to get up, NOW!!”

I yelled out of the bathroom at my husband who was still sleeping that we needed to get a move on with getting the girls up…get Reilly ready for school and get Ophelia ready to go to our friend/neighbors house…I would try to help where I could…which basically was me brushing my teeth and walking downstairs to get a diaper for Ophelia.

I had one contraction while I was downstairs getting a diaper. I gave Brad our friend Coleen’s phone number so he could call and give her a heads up that the girls would be on their way over shortly. I grabbed some clothes for Ophelia on my way back upstairs. I tossed all of Ophelia’s clothes and diaper that I had gathered on the bed, had another contraction, and walked into the bathroom. Brad called Coleen and finished getting the girls ready, got all the stuff in the car and came up to get me. I was sitting on the toilet having back to back contractions with a small rest in between. I told him just to take the girls and come back for me. Walking down the stairs didn’t sound like fun at all. As he left, I asked him to shut off the lights.

While Brad was gone I only had two or three contractions, but I knew we were well on our way to baby. I had a flash of delivering baby while Brad was gone (turns out, he expected to come home to a crying baby as well). I alternated between kneeling on the floor and sitting on the toilet. Nothing really felt “good” but the toilet offered me more support. In the back of my mind I realized that Bachman was not going to be born at the hospital like we had planned. I decided to check and see if I could feel his head and sure enough, when I reached in, he was about a fingers length up. I could feel the amniotic sack around his head and it was still intact. At least I had that going for me. I remember getting really emotional around this time. I was tired and in pain…people think that quick labor is a lucky thing, but I honestly beg to differ. With a slow labor, your body has time to stretch out and get where it needs to go without rushing…but with a quick labor, everything is piled on top of everything else and it is intense. I remember “crying” — I don’t want to say I was actually crying real tears, but I was emotional. I just wanted all the pain to end and for him to be born. I remember trying to tell myself that labor wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Yea, that didn’t last more than me saying it once or twice. Guess I’m not a mantra-type person.

Around this time, I remember my butt starting to feel heavy…I think my uterus was pushing him down, not out yet, but down. Brad came home shortly after this and as soon as he walked in the bathroom he knew we weren’t going anywhere. Not just by my actions…I told him we weren’t going anywhere. He tried to get me into the bathtub at one point…not sure exactly what the plan was. I didn’t plan on running a bath or anything. I remember we had talked about it before. Maybe to contain the mess? Anyway, he grabbed the house phone and called 911 to get an ambulance there to transfer me to Tripler. Apparently, the woman on the phone said no toilet…but I argued against that. There wasn’t a crane that could have moved me from that spot. My water broke shortly after Brad got off the phone with 911 and the urge to push surged through me. Brad went down to meet the MP who had shown up. Bless that MP who was there…whether she was sent or she just happened to be the closest one to our house, I am just glad…she was so calm…much more calm than I think any male MP would have been and I needed that. Brad stayed with me while she went down to meet the EMTs.

My contractions were still coming back to back with small breaks in between — and I mean small…like a minute or so. I grabbed onto my husband and roared through my contractions. If that MP doesn’t have kids already, I’m pretty sure I scared her out of having any. I’m also positive that my neighbors think that someone got murdered in my house. Quiet I was not. My throat is still a little sore from vocalizing. It was literally the only thing I could do to combat the pain. Funny enough though, at this point during Ophelia’s birth, I was telling my husband how much I wanted drugs and how much I wanted to just be done with labor. I don’t recall mentioning anything about an epidural, and quite possibly just complained about how much it hurt.

So I’m vocalizing, Brad is being my support, talking to me through contractions and all of a sudden there are at least two EMTs in my bathroom, turning on lights and telling me what to do. I yell at them to turn the lights off. They still keep trying to tell me what to do…that I need to stop what I’m doing and leave the bathroom. It goes in one ear and out the other…thankfully, I have my strong husband there. He tells them that they won’t be telling me what to do, that I’m not only a labor doula, but this is my third baby. They got all uppity with him, asking then why we called 911 if we didn’t want their help. This part is a little blurry for me as I’m having contractions and pushing with them, making loads of noise and concentrating on birthing my son. But from what I heard after, Brad kicked one of them out, telling him that he wasn’t going to be telling me what to do. They seemed to kind of hang around near the bathroom….which was fine…but I didn’t need to or want to be treated like I was dying when all I needed was a transfer to the hospital from my house.

Up until this point, I had been sitting on the toilet still. When he was starting to crown, I stood up and leaned on Brad. When he was starting to crown, the EMTs told me I needed to go lay down on my bed so they could deliver him. I told them I was not going anywhere and that I was fine. I’m not sure I’ve ever yelled at someone like that. I was not a happy mama…so I stood there…pushing my sons head out. His daddy had a hand on him to catch him. I waited for the next couple of contractions and continue to push. It seemed to take awhile to push his head all the way out, but I’m sure it was only seconds.  His shoulders and body slipped out relatively easily compared to his head and into his daddies arms. Brad passed Bachman up to me as he took his first cry and then all hell seemingly broke loose around me. The light was suddenly flipped on, there were paper towels wiping off blood and fluids (not the bath towels that were actually sitting on the floor to be used), a suction bulb in his face and an EMT at my side.

All I could concentrate on was my husband, who I looked at like a drugged up teenager (in a loving way), and my gorgeous son, who looked exactly like his older sister. I double checked to make sure it was a boy too. I was smitten. The lights, the noise, the help didn’t bother me anymore…I was on a birth high like none other.

As soon as I could, I told Brad that I wanted some ice water. I was so parched. He left while an EMT finished cleaning up Bachman and wrapped a towel around him to help keep him warm. They clamped his corn and went and got daddy to clamp the cord. I don’t remember much of, if anything they said to me during this point…it was completely a blur. If they said anything to me, I’m sure I answered their questions. All I recall thinking about was this baby in my arms and where the hell was my ice water. After they let Brad cut the cord, they wanted me to stand up to go downstairs. I stood up (I had sat back down on the toilet to let the blood fall out and…well…I needed to sit down for a second) and told the EMT that we needed to wait. I don’t recall telling him why, but I birth the placenta’s quickly after my babies, so I knew it would be coming shortly. I was standing up, when I felt a contraction coming. I told the EMT to wait, squatted down over a towel and delivered the placenta right there. I told them specifically that we were keeping the placenta, so it needed to be contained and somewhere that I knew where it was. After that, the MP was asking about underwear and pads and pants and Brad was helping her. I put all of that on so I could go down to the ambulance. I was still holding Bachman…just completely in awe of him so my motions were kind of half assed.

I walked out of my bathroom to about 4 or 5 guys standing in my bedroom and upstairs hall way. I gave them a hearty “Morning guys!!” Out of no where I picked out the phrase “Oh god, she’s walking out of there?!” I dripped blood all over our carpet (sadly, we’ll be paying for it to be professionally cleaned now) and walked to the stairs. A firefighter asked if I needed help, but all I needed to do was hand Bachman off to his daddy, just to make sure I didn’t drop him or fall with him. I walked down the stairs just fine and climbed onto the gurney.

They wheeled me out to the ambulance. It was raining a little bit and I tilted my head up to get the rain on my face. It felt so wonderful.

The ride to the hospital was pretty uneventful. The EMT took some of my vitals and some of Bachman’s. He was pink and cozy when we got into the ambulance but for some reason, they didn’t get a good oxygen read on him, which resulted in doing some blow by oxygen. No big deal. We got to the ER where they did a preliminary exam on both of us. They, again, got a low oxygen read on Bachman, which resulted in more blow by. For some reason, they called a midwife down to the ER to check on me. Funny enough, it was the midwife who I had seen the previous day at my appointment! She was asking me why I never showed up to L&D (which I explained to her). The question of the day was “was it a planned home birth?”

Eventually, we were stable enough to go up to the Labor & Delivery ward. Thank goodness…Brad didn’t ride up to the hospital in the ambulance with us, he had to drive and was facing the horrible morning Hawaii traffic. I figured the time it took us to get through the ER and up to L&D would give him some time to get there about the same time I did. We finally got up there, and they started their more thorough checks on me. They made me tell them the story of what happened again while the midwife checked me over for any bleeding issues. They were a little concerned over the bleeding that was going on, but I felt fine. She examined me, and found that I had no tearing what-so-ever and the reasoning for my bleeding was that some membrane was left over inside my vagina. Turned out to be a piece of the amniotic sac that just got left behind that passed with no problems.

So no tearing, no placental problems, just some bruising on my end. I was happy with that. They took Bachman to do their newborn assessment, which included being weighed. Brad and I had guessed about 8lbs 8oz or so…between the two of us and the girls, that’s what the average would have been. Well, color me shocked when the nurse weighed him at a rolly-poly 10lbs 5.2oz!! It totally explained why I was so horribly uncomfortable during the majority of my pregnancy. Even family and friends didn’t guess much over 9lbs! His daddy was 9lbs 6oz so we didn’t expect anything really over that.

The rest of our stay wasn’t all that eventful, minus the “breathing issues” that one nurse seemed to be concerned about (which turned out to be a whole lot of nothing, like I had assumed). Bachman nurses like a pro, I feel wonderful and, again, we were the talk of the town that night.

I have to say that it wasn’t our intention to have an unassisted home birth. And while technically, there was “assistance” there, I am still classifying this as unassisted. It was my husband and me and our baby, working together. No one touched me until after he was born. It was a shock that it happened…I honestly wasn’t expecting it to go that quickly. I am so thrilled though that both Brad and I got to bond over the birth of our first and only son. This is our last baby. When we found out we were having a boy this time around, we decided that three was enough for our family and we are perfectly happy with that decision. This makes it even better. Needless to say, we’re both pretty damn proud of ourselves. We had an amazing birth where we didn’t let anyone sway us from our choices. We trusted my body and our son to work together and get it done.  Brad read over my birth plan last night as we were waiting for discharge paperwork and we basically got everything that I had listed down on that sheet.

I also want to say that I honestly could not have done this without my husband. Well…I physically could have…I don’t think I would have had a choice in the matter. But he played such an amazing role that this will never be something we can forget. Not to mention, while I was in the hospital freaking out about maybe staying another night (because of the breathing issue) he kept me sane, he took care of the girls and held down the fort, he also started working on the placenta encapsulation process.

If that isn’t love then I don’t know what the hell is.

Bachman and I are back home now…I am still blissed out on baby-having hormones. I feel wonderful…a little tired (big boys like to nurse…especially at night) and I’m sore of course, but I feel like a million bucks. I know the coming months won’t always be easy…Brad won’t be on paternity leave forever…we’ll have to go back to life and cranky kids and school and sleep issues and all that kind of normal, parent stuff. But right now, everything is perfect. Also, any fellas out there reading, according to my husband, delivering your child is pretty much the manliest thing you could ever do. And I’d have to agree with him. (The second manliest thing according to him? Draining blood out of your wife’s placenta. Just sayin’.)

Mr. Bachman Turner (yes, after the band Bachman Turner Overdrive) clearly took care of business that morning. Well worth it. :)

Sleep Update

Over a week ago, I made a post about Ophelia’s sleep habits. Then a couple days ago, I posted about how we had one weird night (weird for her sleep patterns), but I wanted to make an update about how everything was going and what I’ve found to be working!

 

So for the last week now, Ophelia has been doing amazing with her sleep. She went from consistently waking up every 2-3 hours, to waking up maybe twice a night. Instead of laying down with her every time I went in there, I now just lay with her when she initially goes to bed (with the exception of part of two nights ago, but that was different). So here’s what I changed:

 

–No laying down with her when she wakes up — it was really hard the first day or two not to crawl into bed with her to lay down. I just wanted her to go to sleep and that’s how she’s been going to sleep for the last 16 months, is with me laying right next to her! So it was pretty difficult for both of us when I stopped laying down with her. Now when she wakes up, I sit at the head of her bed (on the floor) and comfort her from there. If she needs and hug or a kiss, then I give it to her, but then she lays right back down. It’s been really awesome. I don’t have to crawl into bed with her and not only be uncomfortable, but risk falling asleep in her bed, thus getting a wickedly horrible back ache, contractions and usually a neck ache too. Sometimes she doesn’t like it, and sometimes she does cry a little bit, but she isn’t throwing a big huge fit, or screaming at me. Sometimes she says “UP!!” and I say no, very nicely.

 

–using a sippy cup — Ophelia doesn’t “do” lovies. She doesn’t “do” blankets. She doesn’t “do” binkies. She doesn’t “do” those kinds of things. What she DOES do though, is a sippy cup with water. Holla! So at bed time, we get “milk” (whyyyyy she calls it milk is beyond me, but we’ll get through that eventually), she drinks a little bit then hands me her cup, gets comfy and goes to sleep. Usually, it takes about 10-15 minutes for the whole thing to go down. She’s started doing the same thing at nap time as well, which has been really awesome…it’s not a fight at nap time, just have a little drink, then go to sleep. It makes sense…she used to nurse to sleep, so I would assume that using a sippy cup for comfort would be helpful.

 

–shorter nap times — I considered trying to drop her naps all together…but I couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t work for Ophelia. She can’t function like that…and I knew that. But what hadn’t occurred to me was that she was possibly getting too much sleep. Previously, she was taking two naps…an hour and a half long nap at 9am…then sometime between 1:30-2:30 (depending on what time sister got out of school or if it was a weekend…) she took another nap that was an hour to an hour and a half long. So I cut out one of the naps. Instead of taking two naps, she only takes one and it starts around 10am. Sometimes a little earlier, sometimes a little later (for instance, the other day, we napped at 9:30am and today, we started our nap at 11:30am) but as long as it’s in the same general time frame, everything is fine. Then she stays up until bedtime, which is as close to 7pm as possible.

 

Is every single night perfect? Absolutely not. But you know what? It’s better. It’s fantastic how much better her attitude has been. She’s only having small tantrums…she’s not throwing bit huge fits anymore, she’s not ridiculously cranky, and she’s just…generally happy! I’ve been feeling a lot better lately…I’m pregnant tired, not “I’m not getting enough sleep” tired. I’m also getting time to myself…I get to hang out at night and do things that I want to do…like shower or read a book. Things that I didn’t used to be able to do because I was always counting down the minutes until Ophelia woke up. It’s awesome.

 

It also makes me feel better for when Bachman gets here. I was dreading dealing with Ophelia and Bachman at similar times. And maybe I will have to, but this at least gives me the benefit of the doubt that things will be okay.

Also, this makes me want to tell everyone who gave me the advise of “move her back into your room” or “move her back into your bed” to STFU. I managed to not only get better sleep, but I managed to be there physically and emotionally for my daughter without resorting to letting her scream and cry all night. She knows that if she’s crying (and I mean crying, not fussing) then I will be in her room to rub her back or her head or stroke her hair or give her the sippy cup. It’s the absolute best of both worlds.

 

It’s awesome. I am loving this and it makes me feel so good about Bachman arriving soon. I’m so much happier too.

 

And when mama is happy…..

So is everyone else!

Sleep Habits: An Odd New Development

So the other day I talked about Ophelia’s sleep issues here and then I did kind of a follow up post here. So today, I’m actually blogging about last night. And yes, specifically last night. Because it was weird.

So night before last (that would be Wednesday night) I made a status update on my Facebook page saying that Ophelia had graced me with a full night of sleeping….okay….a full night of HER sleeping. And usually, when that happens, I either get one more night of awesome sleep, followed by days of really shitty sleep that just wear me out or it just goes back to shitty sleep. So last night when I put her to bed, I wasn’t expecting any miracles…in fact, I was expecting to be up all hours of the night dealing with her and her “attitude”.

I should probably add that since my first post about her sleep issues a couple days ago, I’ve changed a few things. She’s still going to bed between 7-730pm. But instead of taking a nap at 9am and then another one around 3pm, she gets one nap at 10am and sleeps until almost noon, followed by lunch and then staying up and playing, eating dinner and a bath before bed time. She’s also taking a cup of water to bed with her. I’m not sure if I mentioned in my last post how I have been completely unsuccessful in getting her to take a lovie or blanket to bed. This kid doesn’t even like to be covered up by blankets while she’s sleeping (weirdo) and haven’t been able to get her to attach herself to anything. Except this damn cup. She cuddles it like it’s her favorite stuffed animal.

So last night, I went and laid in bed with her, per usual, at about 7:15pm. I gave her kisses and a hug, and said that it was night-night time and gave her her cup of water. She lay down, tossed and turned for a little bit…drank some water, but finally snuggled up against me and fell asleep. Then I got up, went down stairs and per her usual habits, she was up less than an hour later crying. I went upstairs to find her sitting up in bed. I told her it was night night time, and that she needed to lay down. I stayed on the outside of her bed…I didn’t get in it and cuddle with her like I normally do. This is also something I’ve been trying not to do the last couple of days. Not because I don’t want to, but because she needs to not have me there every single time, and well, it’s just plain uncomfortable. So I stayed on the outside of her bed, helped her get back onto her pillow, made sure she had her cup, and rubbed her back a little bit. She was back asleep within 10 minutes. I wasn’t so surprised about the time it took,  since she usually goes back to sleep pretty quick, but I was a little shocked that there wasn’t more screaming or crying involved.
Fast forward a couple hours. It’s getting to be close to 11pm…which means I need to try to go to sleep. And generally, on her bad nights, it’s like she has this 6th sense about when I’m going to go to bed. It usually means “OH MAN! TIME TO GET THE FUCK UP AND CRY!!”

Which is exactly what she did. But when I went in there, I just barely touched her, and she fell over like she was one of those people getting healed at those crazy huge churches.

[please ignore the Skyrim reference and just know that that's exactly what she did was fall the hell over]

So she lay back down, I made sure she had her cup (she was still holding onto it) and I rubbed her back for less than 5 minutes. I stayed in her room until I was positive she was asleep, and left.

The same thing happened around 1am or so. Minus the falling over like she was being healed. At her 1am wake up, she actually got out of bed and went to the baby gate and cried. When I went in there, I said “okay, lets go back to bed and lay down” and without picking her up, or even wanting to be picked up, she walked back to her bed, got in, laid down and let me rub her back till she fell asleep.

Who the hell is this baby?! And why is this so easy??!!

So I went back to bed. She woke up about a quarter to four where she fussed for a few minutes, then fell back asleep (no crying at all).

Woke up again at about 4:30am. I figured this would be where she would want to get back into bed with me, which is pretty normal. She was standing at the baby gate with her water. Once she saw me, but before I could even say anything, she was halfway back to her bed. She could see me coming in the dark and she just walked to her bed, climbed in, and waited for me to come over and rub her back.

Each time I went in there, she was asleep within 10 minutes without screaming or crying, a little bit of fussing and tossing, but that was it.

I’m not sure if this will continue. I just put her to bed, so we’ll see what happens tonight. It was all just so weird. So unlike her. It was nice!! I’m hoping that even with all these weird transitions that are happening (daddy on a new schedule, new baby coming, moving into her own room) maybe she’s finally starting to understand that she’s fine and safe and mommy is right down the hall and she needs to sleep. We’ll see.

Maybe then I can write a very awesome public service announcement to the attachment parenting community telling them all very nicely that they can suck it because not every baby needs to move back into mommy and daddy’s room after being moved out and there are ways to be there for your child without letting them cry but without losing your sanity as well.

I’ll update again in a couple of days. Lets all cross our fingers that this isn’t a fluke!